It’s 11:00am on the 28th October, what would appear to be your average Wednesday morning. Taylor is having his nap and I’ve got my first hot cup of tea. We’ve spent the morning playing, laughing and enjoying one another’s company. He is truly the most fun to be around, there isn’t time to feel sad about anything around such a smiley happy baby who laughs at everything you do, who looks up to you for approval with everything he does and smiles every time he sees you.
This Wednesday however is different to any other Wednesday we’ve had in the last 10 months of our time together and I do feel sad, why? Because this Wednesday is the last one we’ll spend the day together. The longest I’ve been away from my baby was 6 hours, and that was to attend a funeral.
Next Wednesday will see me returning to work.
Albeit one day a week in November, and two days a week through December to ease myself back into the work place before I return full time in January.
There are so many things I’ve had to take into consideration in the lead up to this, not just in terms of childcare but how this might affect our morning and evening routines, how it might affect my decision to continue breastfeeding and how it could have an impact on both Taylor and myself emotionally.
I’d love to confidently say I’m looking forward to returning to work, but I’m not. Having adult conversations and tasks that require using my skills again may be refreshing, I didn’t spend 5 years in higher education for nothing, but I just know I’m going to be thinking about Taylor the entire time I’m there. I worry about him whilst he sleeps in his bedroom meters away so being in a completely different location is going to take some getting used to.
In January Taylor will be going to Nursery full time, 40+ hours a week whilst I’m at work.
Regardless of the benefits he may receive I’m going to worry, as is his Dad. He might have been working all this time but he’s been able to go to work knowing Taylor is at home having fun with mummy! It’s going to take some getting used to for all of us.
It’s strange knowing that after spending an entire year, for which I’m very fortunate, with this amazing little boy by my side somebody else will be spending their day with my precious baby sharing smiles and giggles that I won’t see or hear.
Smiles and giggles that should only be for mummy and daddy.
Maybe I’m just not ready to share our baby with the rest of the world.
